


Dead Heart in a Dead World

by kumjongin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:55:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7000441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumjongin/pseuds/kumjongin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that death changes a person, and those who've stared into the face of death are never the same.</p><p>(Main Baekyeol, side ChanKai)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Heart in a Dead World

They say that death changes a person, and those who've stared into the face of death are never the same. Chanyeol never thought he would be the type to face death very fully, his only encounters from before counted as a goldfish that his mother had flushed away in the toilet and a grandmother he'd never even met. But then again, people didn't seem to count those as experiences and he was left to wonder what it was that counted as having faced death. Were those only limited to the people who had lost someone close to them, or did it extend to those who were suicidal, or even those who took the life of another?

 

He didn't have an answer for such a thing, but it seemed, as he sat in the midst of his Death Psychology class, that it only counted if it made some kind of impact on your psyche. His low voice chuckled happily at the thought despite the darkness it entailed, the thoughts of death and what would come after it never scaring him as he knew it did most people. There was something almost comforting about the thoughts of an endless slumber and not having to exist anymore. Though Chanyeol also wasn't suicidal by any means, he wanted to enjoy his life as it was before the inevitable end in store for he and everyone else. After all, death was eternal and life at most was 100 years, there were plenty of things he wanted to fully embrace and experience. But the thought of death being an effect on someone was intriguing to him. Beside him, Baekhyun elbowed him gently, trying to get him to return his attention back to the professor with which he flashed his boyfriend a wide grin some people called unnerving and quit doodling on the margin of his notebook to listen to what the teacher was even discussing. The teacher glanced in his direction, and Chanyeol met his gaze, the smile still on his face at which the teacher cleared their throat uncomfortably to turn away and continue to lecture.

 

Baekhyun was one of those people who were inherently afraid of death, the very topic making him grimace and ask Chanyeol to change the topic. He would always do so obligingly, not wanting to dwell on subjects that made him uncomfortable. Instead he would inevitably start talking about plans they had for the weekend or some new game that he was playing, the lighthearted subjects making it more comfortable.

 

When their class ended, the teacher not having looked at him again, Chanyeol only halfway sure of what the lecture had been on, he stood and scooped his books into his bookbag messily, for which his boyfriend shook his head slightly and stacked his books more neatly to put inside his bag. “So what do you want to do, classes are over,” initiated Chanyeol, taking Baekhyun's hand and pulling him out of the classroom slightly impatiently, bumping into the door on his way out.

 

“Well, I need to study for that test in chem,” he answered with a grimace, their footsteps resounding in the empty corridor as they headed for the sprawling lawn of the campus.

 

“But it's Friday, babe, no one studies on the weekend.”

 

“Maybe you don't, but I know if I don't get it done now I won't have a hell's chance come Monday,” the smaller of the two let out a soft laugh.

 

In response Chanyeol merely gave a snort of amusement, knowing that the other was in fact quite good at school no matter what he tended to say. Walking outside of the building, he pulled his boyfriend along with him into the sunshine with a small sigh of relief at being done for another week with his classes, inhaling the scents of the fresh air and what other strange smells drifted around the campus; coffee and too-greasy food and stress that was almost palatable. “Either way, it's the weekend. You could at least come study in my room or come out for a few hours?” he suggested.

 

“Mm, we'll see. I'll call you later either way,” the elder of the two promised as they came to the end of the path that always separated them. They lived on opposite sides of the campus, but that never stopped them from often walking the path through the campus to go visit the other. Chanyeol nodded his agreement and bent to place a quick kiss on Baekhyun's cheek before heading off the other way. He raised a hand behind him in parting, knowing that his boyfriend never walked away from him before Chanyeol was out of sight. Unfortunately for clumsy Chanyeol, however, before he could make it away he fussed with something in his pocket trying to find his phone and tripped over one of the many bricks that lined and stuck out of the path, letting out one of his too-loud laughs at his own inability to walk a straight line without incident.

 

When he got back to his dorm, thankfully without many more accidents, the familiar sight of the varying posters and quotes decorating his roommate's wall meeting him and he smiled wryly. Sehun was easy to get along with for the most part, and over the past year they'd been living together they'd gotten used to each others quirks. His roommate was the type to live by the phrase 'you only live once,' he even had a tattoo proclaiming his philosophy in a line along his index finger. Chanyeol personally never understood why he needed to proclaim it, considering the statement itself seemed pretty obvious.

 

But he wasn't about to ask him about it because that would then lead to one of Sehun's strange drug-induced monologues involving how opportunities shouldn't be overlooked, even though he wasted away most of his grades by oversleeping and partying because time didn't need to be wasted on staying inside and studying all the time. Or so he'd concluded was his way of thinking. If it didn't involve Instagram or dying his hair some assortment of rainbow shades and partying then he didn't seem nearly as interested in it. Of course, the part that he didn't let people see of him was that he also enjoyed manga and games, or spending hours online with his black-framed glasses perched on his nose and hiding the geekiest side of himself to any of the random netizens who cared about his online presence.

 

As it was when he entered the room, said roommate was sitting on his bed, sprawled out and typing away on his laptop with the look of perpetual boredom written upon his face. Upon Chanyeol's entrance he merely glanced up, not giving him much by way of reaction, as was normal at this point. “Hey,” he said, clearly focused on whatever it was that was presented on the screen in front of him.

 

Chanyeol nodded his greeting though he doubted the other saw it, and flopped onto his bed lazily and pulled out his phone to scroll mindlessly through his contact list. Maybe Baekhyun wanted to stay in and study on a Friday night, but he certainly didn't. After a few minutes, he tossed the phone away from himself and onto the bed, again glancing at Sehun. “Hey, what're you doing tonight?” he asked, thinking he would at least have a lead on anything good happening, or hoping.

 

“Uh, probably going to one of the clubs downtown. Why? Do you and your little boy-toy need the room or something?” the younger asked, eyes never leaving his computer and a steady clicking of the mouse could be heard.

 

The suggestion brought one of his toothy smiles out of the tall boy and he rolled onto his stomach to gaze at the rainbow-haired Sehun and run his gaze along the wall of pictures, not answering him immediately. They were your standard hipster style photos, some 'vintage' style posters and things with too many filters and quotes relating to either weed or life in some way he found to be inspirations. He was distracted, however, from his answer by the other's phone going off, the annoying vibration that woke Chanyeol up frequently. What he didn't expect, however, was the way the his roommate's face lit up as he read whatever message he had received and he narrowed his eyes in curiosity. “Who's that from?” he questioned, not knowing of Sehun dating anyone since he broke up with a psychology major with an innocent face. But he also knew that the other frequently stalked said psych major's profiles with a pinched face, knowing that he was probably still hung up on him. The message made him wonder if they'd gotten back together or if he'd finally moved on.

 

Sehun's pale skin took on a lightly pink shade at the question and he kept his head down, clearly embarrassed by his reaction to a simple text. “Uh, no one,” he said and quickly tapped out a reply on his phone, his tongue poking out to wet his lips in that nervous habit of his; the fact that he was nervous at all sparking Chanyeol's curiosity even more.

 

“Come on, you never get that excited over just anyone. Is it that one guy who broke up with you or something?” he asked, which he realized immediately after was probably a bit insensitive.

 

The other flinched as if he'd been physically wounded by the words, but a glance at Chanyeol, the smile back on his face with one eye more closed than the other made him simply sigh, the expression making it seem like he was only playing. “No, and his name's Luhan. And he didn't break up with me, he was too busy, that's all.”

 

Though it was hard to deny the fact that Luhan could be seen plenty of other places around the campus without seeming 'too busy.' But the tall boy didn't much want to mention that. “Right. Well, no, to answer your previous question, Baek's involved in his homework,” he said with a slight pout. “So I'm bored. I'm going with you, unless you're going to that one really lame club.”

 

Sehun scoffed lightly. “Whatever,” was all the answer he gave before he turned back to his internet and devices, tuning Chanyeol out for another few hours.

 

When evening fell, Chanyeol called his boyfriend, absently tossing a hackey sack in the air with his other hand. The slightly distracted greeting from the other end made him laugh softly and the sack went a bit to high and landed on his stomach. “Hey, Baek, so how' the studying thing?” he asked, attempting to again toss the sack with his left hand, this time it fell behind his bed, at which another pout was drawn out of the tall boy.

 

Not knowing of his boyfriend's current crisis, Baekhyun hummed softly into the phone, “Well...I think I really do need to stay in tonight, babe. This isn't getting much easier and I still have so much I need to cover before Monday. If I have a breakthrough or something I'll come see you, 'kay?”

 

“Or a breakdown, you mean,” he said with a laugh that always seemed too loud for their small dorm room and he rolled onto his stomach, fishing for the missing hackey sack blindly, to no avail.

 

“Or that,” Baekhyun laughed softly. “Let's hope not, though. You going out tonight?”

 

“Huh?” he mumbled, his long fingers curling around something and pulled it out, only to be disturbed at the sight of an old sock, crusty with age and dried sweat. With a grimace, he quickly shoved the fossilized sock back under the bed and chalked the hackey sack up to being lost. “Uh, yeah, I think I'm going somewhere with Sehun or something. Nothing better to do,” he shrugged, even though his boyfriend couldn't see it.

 

With a glance upward at the remembrance of his roommate's presence, he shook his head at the seemingly painstaking task of choosing what to wear. His clear indecisiveness on the matter only confirmed that Sehun did indeed have someone he was trying to impress, though he knew the rainbow-haired boy would never admit that.

 

“Okay, well have fun, then. You should drop by and see me when you get back,” came the voice from the other end of the line and Chanyeol smiled, nodding even though the other still couldn't see it.

 

“Alright. Don't overwork yourself,” he laughed and they said their goodbyes before he got up from the bed, ambling over to where Sehun still rifled through his clothing. Silently, he shook his head and bumped him out of the way to grab a different shirt. The roommate gave him a scathing look and crossed his arms, being the brat that everyone knew him to be.

 

When Sehun finally seemed able to pull himself from the mirror, he glanced at Chanyeol's outfit. “You're wearing that shirt? It's so mainstream,” he scoffed.

 

The elder of the two rolled his eyes, though his usual smile broke out at the other's signature catchphrase, or so it seemed sometimes. Everything was too mainstream for Sehun, even though he too partook in many of the things he claimed to be against. But Chanyeol had long gotten used to it and ignored him or simply smiled at him until he looked away.

 

When they got to the club, Sehun ignoring Chanyeol for the most part to play around on his phone, the tall boy was impatient at not having anything to do. Chanyeol's constant need to be doing something or have something to occupy his attention got on some people's nerves, but he couldn't help that nothing held his interest for very long. As they waited in the line, he bounced on the balls of his feet, looking at the people in line around them, though none of them particularly held his interest either.

 

Sehun continued to be distracted by something on his phone, and the elder sighed at him, though he was pointedly ignored for his efforts. After a continuous cycle of trying to get Sehun's attention, or at least annoy him, they were let inside and the two roommates headed straight for the bar, threading their way through the throng of sweaty people. The lights were chaotic around them, flashing over their faces in similar colors to Sehun's hair, a thought that made Chanyeol laugh unnecessarily before ungracefully plopping down on one of the barstools and ordering a drink.

 

His roommate, on the other hand, barely noticed Chanyeol's behavior that he normally found embarrassing, too busy glancing around the busy club as if looking for someone. Instead of bothering him about it yet, he decided to wait and see what, or who, he was looking for before he did anything to really embarrass him. It was all a bit of a game, annoying people and seeing what he could do and how far he could push his limits with them. And Sehun was just too easy to get to.

 

Finally, after Chanyeol had downed something around his third drink and was working on a fourth, sneaking looks at his rainbow-haired roommate who tried to distract himself with his phone, the latter's face lit up for a brief moment before he tried to mask it with his usual mask of nonchalance. Chanyeol followed his line of vision to see someone approaching through the crowd, though the flashes of light through the darkness made it hard to tell if it was Luhan or not until he got closer. “Oh!” said the curly haired boy a little too loudly when he saw that the person Sehun stood to greet was in fact not Luhan, but someone he didn't recognize. He was tall and dark-haired, with an easy smile and a sort of natural confidence about him. That certainly hadn't been what he expected, thinking that this guy looked too mainstream even by Chanyeol's standards with his too tight jeans and tank top under a leather jacket. He seemed like one of those guys who tried to look like a rebel but really got all of his clothes from the mall. Chanyeol shook his head, he was starting to think like Sehun.

 

At his outburst, however, the two glanced over at him, Sehun's face painting a warning to not be embarrassing and this new guy's one of some confusion. With a shrug, the guy offered a hand and leaned closer to Chanyeol so he could be heard, “Hey, I'm Jongin,” he half-yelled over the music.

 

Chanyeol immediately flashed a large smile and gripped onto Jongin's hand and shook it a little too hard judging from the slight surprise crossing his features. “Hi! Chanyeol, nice to meet you, Sehun's never mentioned you before,” he shouted back at him, earning him a glare from said roommate.

 

But the guy took it all in stride and warily withdrew his hand from Chanyeol's grip. “He's said plenty about you,” his smile flashed under the lights, and the taller boy noted how handsome he looked when he smiled.

 

“I imagine,” he laughed and let the two of them resume their conversation or whatever it was they were doing. Not that he wasn't going to watch, at least somewhat. If there was ever a chance for some kind of blackmail or embarrassment he could deal to Sehun then all the better.

 

The bartender glanced between them and Chanyeol and started laughing, a fact which puzzled the tall boy and he gave a puzzled expression to him to which the bartender laughed at even more. With another laugh, he shrugged as he poured a drink, “You look like a nutcase trying to get attention.”

 

Chanyeol stuck out his bottom lip, pouting at him. “Who asked you?” he asked, not thinking he was being a brat, but apparently to this bartender, a glance at his nametag informed him his name was Jongdae, he came off like it. But who was he to care about something like that after all. He was just bored, though admittedly seeing Sehun lean into Jongin's shoulder briefly was enough to make a small pang go through his stomach. It reminded him of Baekhyun, and he shot him a quick text saying a simple 'love u' before he downed the rest of his drink to go mingle into the crowd. He couldn't really dance, but it had to be better than watching Sehun and Jongin get cozy with one another.

 

Hours later, the liquor had worked its way well into his system and everything felt comfortable and loose, though the alcohol only served to also make him more of a clutz. On the dance floor, he was having fun, but he couldn't say the same for everyone else's toes or even faces if his elbows got too excitable. He was attempting to head for the bathroom, stumbling over his own feet, when he felt a hand on his waist pulling him back into the crowd. With another of his loud laughs, he turned to see who it was and was surprised that it was Jongin from earlier. “Hey, what's up?” he called out although the younger was right in front of him, attempting to dance again.

 

“Not much, Sehun went home,” he said, his voice carrying over to Chanyeol and he lowered his hands to the taller boy's hips, pulling him closer to dance with him, guiding him instead of letting his movements go as wild as they had been.

 

The touch to his hips made his eyes widen slightly, considering he didn't even know this guy who was apparently his roommate's boyfriend, or at least love interest. But dancing was still perfectly acceptable wasn't it? It didn't mean anything, he'd been dancing with people for the past hours anyway. “Wait, why did Sehun leave? Why aren't you with him?” coherency and logic were slow to reach Chanyeol's head, the alcohol making him a bit slower than usual.

 

Jongin smiled a little, his full lips curled upward in amusement and drew Chanyeol even closer. “He wasn't feeling well. And he's a big boy, he can take care of himself,” he said, leaning in closer to the other's ear, his breath hot against his skin.

 

“Oh,” Chanyeol merely murmured, not sure how to take Jongin's actions. It certainly seemed like flirting, but he couldn't be completely sure if that's what his intention was. After all, Chanyeol was often a bit slow on things. He and Baekhyun had met at a party and made out for half the night and he still didn't know that the other was into him until a few weeks later when he said so.

 

The man before him smirked a little and wrapped his arms around the other's neck, his hips swaying against his as the music continued. “Chanyeol, why don't you come with me?” he suggested, again leaning forward until he was pressed up against the taller, his mouth brushing against the lobe of his ear.

 

The action sent a soft tingle through him, the intention making itself rather clear now to Chanyeol, who's arms were hesitantly placed around Jongin's midsection. “...Aren't you with Sehun?” he asked after a delayed moment, still trying to fully wrap his head around it. The alcohol feeling felt like it was beginning to fade slightly, and the room spun for a moment.

 

A low chuckle left Jongin's throat, and he was so close Chanyeol could feel the rumble in his chest as he did. “Didn't you know? Monogamy is 'mainstream,'” he joked.

 

Of course, the answer should have made Chanyeol back away, should have made him tell Jongin off and leave, go and tell Sehun that the baby-faced liar was better for him than someone who clearly didn't regard their relationship very highly. And yet he didn't find himself doing any of those things. Instead he simply nodded his head in agreement, and before he could completely register it, he and Jongin were on their way out of the club.

 

When they got to Jongin's apartment, a grungy little place that wasn't very far from the downtown, Chanyeol was still a bit dizzy and his mind foggy from the alcohol. Of course, thoughts of Baekhyun flashed through his mind, and knowing that it was wrong. But then again, he always questioned what love or relationships were supposed to be anyway. There was some sort of expectation that if you were with someone that you had to be completely dedicated in your life to them and give up your own interests for them. Well, Baekhyun wasn't there when Chanyeol wanted someone, needed some sort of company or stability, so Jongin would have to do for the moment. And on another level he realized it was wrong to do this to his roommate as well, but Sehun did consistently vouch against societal pressures and ideas, and maybe monogamy was mainstream after all.

 

All thoughts left him as Jongin's lips trailed along his skin, his eyes closing to revel in the feeling of the soft mouth against him. He couldn't help but notice the difference in how his mouth felt in comparison to his boyfriend's, Jongin's mouth was fuller, but more persistent as it moved along his jawline. When their mouths met, Chanyeol immediately pressed back against him, ignoring the thoughts of Baekhyun and let his hands roam under Jongin's shirt, feeling the expanse of warm, tan skin and muscles. So much different than his lover's soft, peachy flesh, and yet that was part of the excitement, knowing that this person was so completely different than his boyfriend.

 

The sex was rough and messy, both of them a little too drunk to be too strategic about it. Chanyeol fucked Jongin on his hands and knees, the younger clutching onto the sheets and moaning into the pillow in muffled bursts. It was, again, far different than when he was with Baekhyun, Jongin a lot more demanding with his cries of 'harder, faster' and soft curses spilling from his lips where Baekhyun always liked to be face to face with Chanyeol, peppering light little kisses against his lover and whispered 'I love you's between his moans.

 

When it was over, Chanyeol stretched out on his back on Jongin's mattress, the guilt started to seep into his bones. He'd know as he had been involved, of course, that it was wrong, but had somehow convinced himself that it was a good idea. He wanted to blame the liquor, wanted to blame Jongin for being the one to push himself onto him. But he also knew that it was his own fault, that he should have simply pushed Jongin away. As he glanced upward from where the other was coming back from the background, having slipped on a pair of black sweatpants, a sudden thought came over him. He wondered, for no real reason really, what Jongin would look like when he died.

 

His thought pattern never ceased to surprise even him, but he wondered how death would take the light out of the other's eyes and how his chest would cease to rise again. Jongin glanced at him on the bed for a brief second. “What are you looking at me like that for?” he asked simply, blinking a few times.

 

Chanyeol smiled at him, that smile that often unnerved people and shrugged lightly as he sad up on the bed. “Nothing, I was just thinking.”

 

“About?” came the question as Jongin fished around in his jacket for something, retrieving a package of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed one between his full lips and sparked the flame on the glinting metal lighter, inhaling the putrid smoke into his lungs before exhaling a stream of grey.

 

“Death. I was thinking what you'd look like when you died, what your body would look like, y'know?” he said with a nervous sounding laugh, his phone too cheery for the topic.

 

Jongin frowned a little and took another drag on the cigarette before he headed to the balcony, leaning over the railing casually and flicking the ash to the ground below, white and grey specks floating lazily downward. “That's kind of...weird.” The voice was carried away slightly on the wind and Chanyeol was struck with a sudden thought.

 

Baekhyun would undoubtedly find out about this, and so would Sehun. Chanyeol may not have felt like he was going to spill the answer on them anytime soon, but with a consistent reminder of this near stranger, he couldn't say what it would take to make him break his silence and snap. Jongin wasn't exactly important to him, it was just someone he'd slept with on a whim and in a fit of drunken loneliness, but Sehun's face whenever he saw the other man made him pause.

 

But if Sehun found out about their little tryst, nothing would ever be the same anyway, and he couldn't trust that this Jongin wouldn't tell him about it. His thoughts quickly flashed back to his reminiscence earlier that day about how people never know death until they are directly affected by it. Well there was one way he could think of to both get acquainted with what death was and to ensure that their little secret would never get out.

 

With a smile, he stood from the bed, a soft creak leaving the mattress and he glanced at Jongin's finely muscled back outdoors, his face toward the starlit sky. Chanyeol slipped on his pants, unsure why there was a certain need for decency, but as soon as they were buttoned he stepped out onto the balcony with his companion. “I am weird,” he said in a delayed response to his earlier comment and sent him that unnerving smile once again.

 

Jongin chuckled softly and took the last inhale of his cigarette, flicking the remainder down to the street below and blowing the smoke upward toward the sky. “Aren't we all.” For a moment Chanyeol noted how it was a shame that things were going in this direction, a slight sense of endearment in his stomach.

 

His expression darkening somewhat, he took a deep breath, his cheeks puffing out for a moment before he took a step closer to Jongin, putting his hand on the small of his back and pulled him to his own form, pressing his mouth against the other's. His lips tasted like smoke and a certain flavor that Chanyeol could only identify as Jongin, and he slid his tongue against them languidly. Suspecting nothing, Jongin simply kissed him back, parting his lips for the other and sliding his tongue to meet his.

 

Chanyeol's hands slid downward, cupping his ass briefly before moving to his thighs and lifting him, pressing back against the railing so he wouldn't slip, at least not yet. Jongin broke the kiss briefly, “What are you doing?” leaving his kiss-swollen mouth.

 

The taller male pulled back as well, smiling once again. “I said I wondered how you'd look dead, right? Well, I've never had much of an encounter with death before, so I wanted to know what it's like,” he explained, feeling inexplicably honest.

 

Jongin's eyes immediately widened, a sense of panic present in his face and he squirmed to be released. “What the fuck? You're insane,” he muttered, but Chanyeol only tightened his grip and pressed him closer to the railing.

 

“If you struggle too much I might just drop you,” he warned, eyes sparkling with excitement.

 

The last thing Jongin uttered was a soft “please” before Chanyeol pushed him off the balcony, kneeling over to watch him fall to the street below. He cringed slightly when he finally hit, his limbs sprawled at an unnatural angle.

 

By the time Chanyeol made it back to the campus, his heart was pounding and his blood was racing, realizing exactly what it was that he'd just done. Jongin wasn't just anyone, he was his roommate's boyfriend that he'd both fucked and murdered within the span of a few hours of meeting him. He cursed to himself and ran for Baekhyun's room, his long limbs propelling him in an ungraceful panic, not sure what he was doing but needing some sense of stability and comfort.

 

When he got to his boyfriend's dorm, he quickly dialed his number to get him to come down and let him inside, panic clearly laced within his breathless voice. When Baekhyun came down, opening the door with a sense of worry on his face, Chanyeol immediately stooped to plant a kiss on his lover's mouth and pulled him inside.

 

“Chanyeol? What's going on? Are you okay?” the elder asked, his voice confused and panicked as he followed Chanyeol who was hurriedly leading him through the dorm halls to get to his room.

 

“No, baby, something happened, but I can't talk about it here,” he said and Baekhyun could feel his palm sweating. His worry only increased with his answer, following like a confused but obedient puppy.

 

When they got to the room, his boyfriend retrieved his keys in order to unlock his room and Chanyeol pushed his way in. He ignored the scattered books and papers everywhere around the room and merely slid them away to make room for himself on the bed, hanging his head and running his hand through his hair.

 

Baekhyun was no less concerned by his actions and went over to the bed, sitting down gingerly and placing a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder. “What's wrong?” he asked, his voice shaking a little with the possibilities of what had just happened.

 

“Where's your roommate?” Chanyeol asked instead of answering him, looking at the empty bed to gauge how long he had.

 

“Kyungsoo went home for the weekend. Tell me what's going on,” he demanded, a no-nonsense tone coming into his voice.

 

Chanyeol nodded his acknowledgment of the answer and worried his bottom lip with his teeth before glancing at his boyfriend. “I hurt someone, baby...I killed him,” he muttered softly, his blood pumping in his ears at the fear of what his boyfriend would say. He knew that he had intended to do it, but now that he was faced with the words that slipped from his mouth, it all seemed too real.

 

The smaller male stared at him in silence for a few moments, trying to gauge if Chanyeol was playing some kind of nasty joke on him, but seeing nothing, he continued to let his large, puppy-like eyes search his boyfriend's face. “What...do you mean? Tell me what happened exactly,” he said quietly, trying to coerce the story out of him.

 

He ran a hand through his hair, shutting his eyes at the memories of what had happened. “I don't know. I went out with Sehun...and this guy was there. He was Sehun's boyfriend I think. And I don't know, but things got out of hand and...I pushed him over the balcony,” he said, his story punctuated with the holes and emptiness of what he didn't want the other to know.

 

Baekhyun gasped softly, a frown taking over his forehead and he continued to rub circles against Chanyeol's skin. “But...it was an accident, right? Couldn't you tell the police it was an accident?” he mentioned, a sense of shock still present in him.

 

Immediately the other shook his head, dismissing the thought. “It wouldn't look like that...fuck. I killed a guy. What am I supposed to do?” came the rhetorical words from him and he brought his knees up, circling them with his arms.

 

Licking his lips briefly, Baekhyun shook his head and scooted closer, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol's thin form. “It...it's okay. I mean...you didn't mean to. It'll be okay, right?” he muttered, almost nonsensical. Because they both knew that it wouldn't be alright. No one got away with murder in the present day and age, too much technology and investigations occurred and he knew that he had left far too much DNA on Jongin's body to ever be okay. He was damned, and he couldn't help but wonder, is this what death was? Is this how it effected people, or was it just those who murdered.

 

Although he knew he should have been crying or panicking about what it meant for his future, instead he could only think that he couldn't get caught, that he was able to finally live since he had figured out what death really was. And it left more of a hollow feeling than one of intense sadness that he had expected. So instead of answering Baekhyun, he released his legs and wrapped his arms around the smaller man.

 

“No, Baek. It won't be alright, but...will you do something for me?” he asked, pulling away slightly to stare into his lover's eyes. They were so dark and curved downward so sweetly, so trusting of everything Chanyeol was telling him.

 

After a brief pause, he nodded. “Anything.”

 

“Let me make love to you, before time runs out, or something happens,” he said seriously, searching his lover's face. He knew that it was only a matter of time before he was caught, or at least before he was going to be looked for, and he didn't want to drag Baekhyun along with him. He wasn't going to say it would probably be their last time, but he knew that he couldn't force his boyfriend to try and escape with him when it was his own fault.

 

Instead of replying, Baekhyun simply pressed their lips together, a sense of urgency in his mouth as they melded together. Chanyeol couldn't help but think that this was right, this was how it was supposed to be. These were the lips he was supposed to be tasting and the feeling he was meant to have. His hands went to the other's shirt and lifted it swiftly, wanting him rid of the garment so he could appreciate all of him.

 

Baekhyun moved backward so that he could remove his shirt and his pretty hands reached for Chanyeol's as well. They undressed themselves quickly, their clothes piling on the floor and Baekhyun was the one to shove the mess on his bed to the floor as well, books and pens scattering. Chanyeol let out a laugh, still too loud for the room, before he pushed his boyfriend down onto the bed and fished around in the nightstand for the little bottle of lube. Baekhyun smiled at his lover, and the younger didn't know if he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight. Even after all he'd done to screw his life up within the past few hours, he knew that if there was one thing he'd never regret it was being with Baekhyun.

 

Squirting some of the liquid onto his fingers, he spread it around to warm it briefly before nudging his boyfriend's legs apart, which he complied with quickly, lifting his hips to him, and he pressed one inside of him. The male on the bed let out a soft his as he was lightly stretched and Chanyeol watched his perfect face in rapt fascination as the slight sting of the second finger caused him to close his eyes and whimper. But it wasn't long until the elder was pressing back against his fingers and Chanyeol curled and scissored his fingers inside of him for a few moments, enjoying the little mewls that escaped his parted lips.

 

After he felt satisfied, he spread some of he lube onto his length, a gasp leaving him at the mixed sensation of the cool liquid on his overheated skin. Positioning himself at the other's entrance, he captured his lips with his own, sliding his tongue into his mouth and curling it against Baekhyun's own before sliding inside of him.

 

A low moan left Baekhyun at the sensation of being stretched and filled, his arms winding around Chanyeol's neck to bring him closer into the kiss as their wet muscles slid against one another. After a moment of letting the other adjust, he began thrusting slowly inside of him, moaning into the kiss as well at the tightness of his boyfriend.

 

“I love you, Chanyeol,” muttered the male underneath him as he tipped his head back when Chanyeol's thrusts increased in speed. The younger smiled and kissed his way along Baekhyun's jaw and throat, wanting to devour every piece of him that he could while he was still able to. Baekhyun was everything to him, and he wondered how it was that he could ever doubt that. They fit together so perfectly and always knew how to make one another feel better. Everything about his small lover was perfect for him, and he hated that he had been the one to screw it up.

 

But Baekhyun would never know about Chanyeol's infidelity, he couldn't. The younger was determined to leave when it was over, when everything was said and done, to leave so that Baekhyun could move on with his life. However, as he continued to make love to the other, his thrusts becoming increasingly more frenzied, he realized that at some point Baekhyun would indeed get over him, would find someone else who he'd mutter 'I love you's and 'I'll never leave you's to. And he didn't want that, maybe he was selfish, but he couldn't handle anyone else bringing Baekhyun to the edge like he did, the way his lover's eyes would close and his head tilted back to reveal his adam's apple jutting out and slicked with sweat, groaning and crying out his name. Baekhyun was his.

 

With another soft kiss pressed to his lover's lips, he moved his hands to around the other's delicate throat. There was a moment of hesitation, but when Baekhyun opened his eyes and glanced at him with that lust-clouded expression, Chanyeol assured himself he was doing the right thing. He tightened his hold, fingers digging into the pale flesh and cutting off his air as he continued to thrust inside of him.

 

Baekhyun came with a gasp from breath, white ropey strands spilling between their bodies and the sensation sent Chanyeol into his own release, spilling inside of his lover for the last time. But when it was over, he didn't let go, instead holding on until Baekhyun's lungs ceased to take in oxygen. His eyes were bulged and his lips were parted in a silent calling of his lover's name.

 

When Chanyeol left in the morning, he wasn't sure how he was still curled around Baekhyun's lifeless body, but he knew that in a way his lover would be with him forever. And he would protect that memory for all of his life, and not allowing himself to get caught was the best way. With a final kiss to his lover's lips, he said goodbye, and walked out the door, his too wide smile spread wide as he pulled up the hood on his jacket and took off running.

**Author's Note:**

> Another import from AFF/LJ from years ago. Unbeta-ed.


End file.
